Mengatasi stress di mata anak-anak

Compared with what adults face, it might seem like kids don't have that much to stress about. But kids have their own concerns - and sometimes feel stress, just as adults do. And kids' stresses can be just as overwhelming, particularly if they don't have effective coping strategies.

The latest KidsHealth® KidsPoll explored what kids stress about the most, how they cope with these feelings, and what they want their parents to do about it.
The poll showed that kids are dealing with their stresses in both healthy and unhealthy ways, and while they may not say so, they do want their parents to reach out and help them cope with their feelings.
The poll underscored how important it is for parents to teach kids to recognize and express their emotions, and to use healthy ways to cope with the stress they experience. By guiding them to healthy coping skills, parents can help prepare kids to tackle whatever stresses they meet throughout their lives.
Results of the PollWe asked kids to tell us what things cause them the most stress. Kids said that they were stressed out the most by: grades, school and homework (36%); family (32%); and friends, peers, gossip, and teasing (21%).
These are the coping strategies kids said they use the most (they could give more than one response):
52% play or do something active
44% listen to music
42% watch TV or play a video game
30% talk to a friend
29% try not to think about it
28% try to work things out
26% eat something
23% lose their temper
22% talk to a parent
11% cry
About 25% of the kids we surveyed said that when they are upset, they take it out on themselves, either by banging their heads against something, hitting or biting themselves, or doing something else to hurt themselves. These kids also were more likely to have other unhealthy coping strategies, such as eating, losing their tempers, and keeping problems to themselves.

The idea that kids would do things to try to harm themselves may be shocking to parents. But for some kids, feelings of stress, frustration, helplessness, hurt, or anger can be overwhelming. And without a way to express or release the feelings, a kid may feel like a volcano ready to erupt - or at least let off steam.
Sometimes, kids blame themselves when things go wrong. They might feel ashamed, embarrassed, or angry at themselves for the role they played in the situation. Hurting themselves may be a way to express the stress and blame themselves at the same time.

The poll also revealed important news for parents. Though talking to parents ranked eighth on the list of most popular coping methods, 75% of the kids surveyed said they want and need their parents' help in times of trouble. When they're stressed, they'd like their parents to talk with them, help them solve the problem, try to cheer them up, or just spend time together.

What Parents Can Do
You may not be able to prevent your child from feeling frustrated, sad, or angry, but you can provide the tools your child needs to cope with these emotions.

Notice out loud.
Tell your child when you notice something he or she might be feeling. ("It seems like you still feel mad about what happened at the playground, huh?") This shouldn't sound like an accusation (as in: "OK, what happened now? Are you still mad about that?") or make a child feel put on the spot. It's just a casual observation that you're interested in hearing more about your child's concern.
Listen to your child.
Ask your child to tell you what's wrong. Listen attentively and calmly - with interest, patience, openness, and caring. Avoid any urge to judge, blame, lecture, or tell your child what he or she should have done instead. The idea is to let your child's concerns (and feelings) be heard. Encourage your child to tell the whole story by asking questions like "And then what happened?" and to keep going with "What else happened?" and "ummm-hmmm."
Take your time.
And let your child take his or her time, too.
Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing as you listen to the story. For example, you might say something like: "That must have been upsetting," or "No wonder you felt mad when they wouldn't let you in the game," or "That must have felt unfair to you." Doing this shows that you understand what your child felt, why he or she felt that way, and that you care. Feeling understood and listened to helps your child feel connected to you, and that is especially important in times of stress.
Put a label on it.
Many kids do not yet have words for their feelings. If your child seems angry or frustrated, use those feeling words to help your child learn to identify the emotions by name. That will help put feelings into words so they can be expressed and communicated more easily, which helps your child develop emotional awareness - the ability to recognize his or her own emotional states. A child who is able to recognize and identify emotions is less likely to reach the behavioral boiling point where strong emotions get demonstrated through behaviors rather than communicated with words.
Help your child think of things to do.
Suggest activities your child can do to feel better now and to solve the problem at hand. Encourage your child to think of a couple of ideas. You can get the brainstorm started if necessary, but don't do all the work. Your child's active participation will build confidence. Support your child's good ideas and add to them as needed. Ask, "How do you think this will work?" Sometimes talking and listening and feeling understood is all that's needed to help a child's frustrations begin to melt away. Other times the thing to do is to change the subject and move on to something more positive and relaxing. Don't give the problem more attention than it deserves.
Just be there.
Sometimes kids don't feel like talking about what's bothering them. It's a good idea to respect that, give your child space, and still make it clear that you'll be there when he or she does feel like talking. Even when kids don't feel like talking, they usually don't want parents to leave them alone. You can help your child feel better just by being there - to keep him or her company and spend time together. So if you notice your child seems to be down in the dumps, stressed, or having a bad day - but doesn't feel like talking - initiate something you can do together. Take a walk, watch a movie, shoot some hoops, or bake some cookies. Isn't it nice to know that your presence really counts?
Be patient.
As a parent, it hurts to see your child unhappy or worried. But try to resist the urge to fix every problem. Instead, focus on helping your child, slowly but surely, grow into a good problem-solver - a kid who knows how to roll with life's ups and downs, put feelings into words, calm down when needed, and bounce back to try again. Remember that you can't fix everything, and that you won't be there to solve each problem as your child goes through life. But by learning healthy coping strategies, your child can manage whatever stresses come in the future.

About the Poll
The national KidsPoll surveyed 875 9- to 13-year-old boys and girls regarding how they coped with stress. The KidsPoll is a collaboration of the Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth, the Department of Health Education and Recreation at Southern Illinois University - Carbondale, the National Association of Health Education Centers (NAHEC), and participating health education centers throughout the United States. Those centers include:
Robert Crown Center for Health Education, Hinsdale, Illinois
HealthWorks! Kids Museum, South Bend, Indiana
Health World Children's Museum, Barrington, Illinois
Ruth Lilly Health Education Center, Indianapolis, Indiana
Susan P. Byrnes Health Education Center, York, Pennsylvania
Poe Center for Health Education, Raleigh, North Carolina
Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhDDate reviewed: October 2005